The Quest for 8 Hours of Sleep
Posted: Thursday, July 14, 2011
by Taylor Barcus
It started when I was in college. I would have the strangest sleep patterns, I would be up all night with my thoughts. Thoughts about school, work, money, depression, anything and everything. The thoughts never stopped. I tried to exercise, tried homeopathic remedies, tried most everything that I read about, but absolutely nothing worked. My body would be completly exhausted and it would be begging my brain to shut off and sleep...but to no avail. Eventually I went to the campus health clinic and told them of my troubles. This happened to be around finals week and the solution was to take Ambien to help me through finals and we would explore the problem further afterwards. The Ambien was a god send. I slept, actually slept for more than 2 hours at a time without waking up! I woke up feeling alive and well, with energy and enthusiasm. After the Ambien was gone, I went back to the horrid sleep cycle that I was used to. I could barely afford to pay for my books for class, let alone a psychiatric evaluation and medication costs, so I lived 4 years with insomnia before reaching out for real medical help.
My first psychiatrist had me try a few different anti depressants known for their strong sedative effect. These made it worse. I had severe side effects, mostly horrible nightmares that played on throughout the day. My second psychiatrist decided to put me on Ambien as a solution to my insomnia. My situation was now classified as chronic and Ambien was the one solution that seemed to help. For approximately two years I grew accustomed to sleep. The wonderful bliss of sleeping for eight hours was truly a blessing. Then everything came to a halt again. I lost my insurance, my psychiatrist moved, I was arrested, I started a new job, etc, etc. I have been off all medication for over eight months and it has been complete hell. I finally got insurance at my job, but then came the daunting task of finding a new psychiatrist. I finally found one that didnt have a years waiting list and I will meet him for the first time next Wednesday.
Everyday insomnia and depression linger in my life. Everyday I have to force myself to move, to get out of bed and start the day. My mind tells me not to do anything, that staying in bed is safe. I force myself out of the car at work, and force a smile and friendly disposition, everyday I act as if I am ok. I pray that I can get better again, that this doctor will be able to help and that this cloud will lift and I will be able to actually laugh and smile instead of forcing myself to. There is a small ounce of hope that remembers the Taylor dealing with depression instead of the Taylor clouded by depression. That small hope remembers sleeping and hopefully the blur of everyday will become clear again. I keep praying.
This Article has been viewed 461 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
Top-level comments on this article: (3 total)Hey there Taylor! I do not have sleeplessness probs...but I can understand you as my wife used to suffer from it. She suffers from Generalised Anxiety Disorder so some times she finds it difficult to sleep really well but she sleeps in the night by the Grace of God these days.
It is really difficult in life when we don't really get proper rest that we need everyday. I have an article, titled: "How to SLEEP WELL at night?" in my SW library. Check it out, it may or may not help you as yours is quite chronic. But see if prayerfully you follow it and if God helps you to sleep...
My wife was healed from this problem by prayer only, God's grace. So I am praying for you...and you follow it ...let's see...
Best wishes sis...take care
Your bro. Chiradeep
I feel for you Taylor, as I've experienced insomnia at times as well. As for depression, it's an illness very misunderstood by many. I wish you all the best in working through it.
I used to have the same problems you do with nightterrors. It is a very frightening thing because it is self-perpetueting. You can't sleep because you are afraid of the dreams so you stay awake, but you need to sleep because you are exhausted. The lack of sleep is part of the reason you have the night-terrors. You might also have what is called hypnogaugic hallucinations or "sleep paralysis". Have you ever had a sleep study done? The cause for my night terrors was from post traumatic stress disorder from abuse. It took a number of years of therapy to get through that before the terrors were resolved. And the sleep paralysis is helped by taking 1/2 Ativan before bed. Have you ever had a sleep study done to rule out a sleep disorder such as narcolepsy or sleep apnea? Hope you get better soon!!!!! (HUGS)Hi Krista,
Thanks for the comment and sharing your experience. I did a sleep study, I actually had to do a couple because I couldnt sleep during them! So, they were a bit of a joke because if you cant sleep, they cant study you. I finally went to the psychiatrist and received some medication, so hopefully I will get some sleep tonight. It has been an awfully long week at work without sleep.
Thanks Again,
Taylor
We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.